| gone? |
[Aug. 4th, 2005|03:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | deerhoof - apple | ] |
the next twenty-four hours are going to be very strange.
(crickets outside cassie's window just got obnoxiously loud, i don't think i've ever heard them like this...)
glad the summer calmed down, i feel most settled, even though all of my things are packed up in suitcases and bags and backpacks or on their way down to va without me via snail mail.
acid was amazing a couple of days ago... i had never been to fenway park during a red sox game... what a way to experience that craziness for the first time. visuals were so intense, like never before... funny how i never have them really.
i feel so inspired, can't wait to move into my apartment, then my studio and start whipping out 8 or 9 paintings at once... gotta get more pictures, i plan on putting the figures into environments, kinda isolating them the same way as before only much less literally.
i miss my family and my town, my work, my school. can't wait to get all resettled and tan on my patio and paint and kiss the boy every day if i wanna.
im gonna miss boston so hard, though. (i just missed a call from aaron linas - that's twice in the past two days. crap) im going to miss all of the people i've met and the places i've learned so well and biking around through the crazy crazy traffic on my little blue bike that weighs four thousand tons.
hmm i should get to cleaning this living room so that the party can leak into it sufficiently.
miss you all xoxo |
|
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| leaving b oston? |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
not true.
actually it is. this is good and bad for several reasons. im going to miss what i've made here and who i've met and this little neighborhood on the hill despite all the dions and dee's who smoke crack.
summer's already over? whatev. fall's going to be tight, studio space, sweet apt, awesome boy who i am currently missing so hard right now.
but three weeks??? damn. |
|
|
| little brains. ohyea and sober night fun |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|11:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | madonna - like a virgin | ] |
freak show tm. occurred last night, it consisted of steblau dressed in a full body fishnet which made her look more like a super hero than a prostitute/stripper, ken wearing his famous newsies-style hat, a shirt which was miraculously lacking sleeves and pants which were also miraculously missing legs from below the knees down, loafers with no socks and white mickey mouse gloves, kayla with her hawk - so effing punk rock, and me with this weird ass skirt on that looked like a baggy parachute and a flower in my dreadtails. we ran around and dropped off stephanie so no one would rape her before ryan got to her, since she was wearing a full body fishnet suit in the hill...
ran around being silly dancing and singing to the "gay-ey bunch!" (hint: sing to the tune of the brady bunch) until we ended up in the lil park next to mass art with kayla being www.poutyface.com/kayla and me and ken singing "good morning crotchrot" to make her giggle, which she couldnt help. then ken happened to mention his golden girls dvd which we OBVIOUSLY went back to his apt in the fens to watch and pass out. perfect. juuuussst perfect.
now i'm looking forward to a certain dance party at my house tonight and a certain special visitor who will be in town shortly, but not shortly enough.
as for last weekends occurrences... perhaps they had to happen bc it made me realize that i really dont have feelings for isaac in that way anymore. i hadnt seen him enough in the past year to even realize that fully. sometimes things are a little too comfortable and thats when you git troubles.
kayla is dozing like a little pouty chicken hawk in ken's air mattress which he lied and told us was a legitimate bed. ew.
i need to go paint, dave said he would give me extry work if the continuing ed people would make my class count as four credits rather than 3 since if it transfers over only as a 3 credit class it will throw off my whole shit and i will probably still have to take a whole nother 4 cred painting class and eff that. actually the funny thing is, i will probably end up doing that anyways just to keep my studio space. hell yea.
upon the perusal of this fresh entry i have come to the conclusion that i have trouble avoiding runons, or rather i am strangely drawn to them!!!
mmmm boy shampoo smells yummy. |
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| like water off a ducks back. |
[Jun. 29th, 2005|10:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | coco rosie | ] |
last night, i killed a lobstah and ate it. but first i dressed it up with a naked clown doll, a shot glass, a yoda head and a mini dino finger puppet. i almost didnt hear the screaming as pat the gimp threw him in the POT. pooooor baby.
im glad jimmy works on a lobstah boat. he's like a little lobstah man.
ashton and scott v. 2.0 are here. its fun for everyone, not only because they came complete with 3 batches of cookies. yeaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA!
i've been drinking a LEEEEEEtle too much lately. oh well, everythings getting done.
so theres a cathedral down tremont that we oft frequent. theres swings and a playground and right smack in the middle of it there are these metal tube pipe looking things all coming out of a colorful circular ground. colored lights shine upon these lovelies and until recently i was confused as to their purpose here on a playground. until the random mission hill man i was with jumped onto the blue-teal dots singing show tunes and water came squirting out of the ground and out of several other parts in the ground and out of all of the pipes. so cool.
the painting class is paying off. probably could be going at a little quicker pace, but with such a small group and such humid weather and it being summer "vacation" and all, i don't mind too much. fourth of july should be GRAND. i mean i dont have any idea whats going on, but it better be good. dynasty tomorrow night. yeaaaaaAAAAA!
i need an excuse to wear pumps and go out dancing instead of jus tsitting around the house like that.
why cant i sleep?
oh yea, its hot as balls |
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| whole mess o masochists |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|03:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
so i was trying to think of that old world war two cartoon with bugs bunny and elmer fudd where theyre fighting this certain type of fighter plane and and fudd tries to say "a whole mess of [insert name of fighter plane]" and i cant think of the name of it cuz i cant get past the masochist thing. damn
i got to mail my lease, paint some shit, get stuff done.... but here i sit on livejournal keeping up with the bitches and hoes back home.
isaac and walter are coming up in a couple of weeks. i didnt realize how often i keep telling people until shane said last night "you've told me that so many times - you're sooo nervous about it." well im not so much nervous, im just highly anticipating that conversation that needs to happen which hasn't happened for the past year.
everybody has their boyfriends here and it makes me think.
i am so poor right now. i just want ice cream. jp licks down the hill WHAT!
i miss you brains, the plan is as follows.:
august 8ish train to long island
drive to richmond
be there round that first week.
get ready richmond. |
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| brains. |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|12:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
just spoke to aaron on the phone, but we got disconnected.
taryn and va's birthdays previously, there was much jager and carrot cake and veggie burgers to be had.
renaissance painting techniques is awesome. its a very small class which consists of myself and two very open homosexuals. much conversation about michael jackson, p-town, and little asian crossdressers. but im learning a lot already... i think.
it feels really good to be out of that self destructive slump i had been in for the past year post-isaac.
florida was beautiful. i hadn't felt that refreshingly smitten in a good while. im very excited about it.
new news.
im sick cuz it was hot as balls here and just as humid for a while then it suddenly dropped about 20 degrees. green goodness isn't even helping.
new job at dado tea in hahvahd squay-ah. my boss has a napoleonic complex. perks include unlimited bubble tea and plenty of tofu wraps. mmmmm
clean laundry mmm
i got the house to myself, better get out there and shower it up. |
|
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| dick |
[May. 25th, 2005|04:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
so today i got a job, yea. at dicks last resort where i will be hostessing. get to wear a shirt that says i heart dick or soemthing and be rude.
i really wanted a serving position but they were "overstaffed". overstaffed my foot.
i was so proud that i rode the t home, which was probably completely unnecessary but also ten times more fun on such a gross day.
weather is as follows:
gross. rainy. 50 degrees. blech. great week for job huntin.
boston's worth it, though.
i miss you kids in richmond, wish you were here. next weekend i think ima fly to LA. prolly. but maybe not since i just got a job and the weekend is the big deal. but i really wanna. i miss those tight little pinstriped pants... |
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| sikk |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|10:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mazzy star | ] |
i am sick, wretching all over my newly washed bed. blech. |
|
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| disappointments. |
[Apr. 22nd, 2005|01:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
how should i behave towards people who have disappointed me and disillusioned me all at once?
perhaps i should take it in stride and LEARN from it. i dont wanna. i'm too young to be the bitter disillusioned artist my english professor is so sure i will become.
samantha baum: gone mad.
a previously sweet, unassuming, idiotic vegetarian, always willing to please and make you laugh til you cried by saying things like "oh fun! so are we like gonna get repairs on the house?"
until one fateful night...
samantha went mad. due to a completely abrupt cease to her 3 dangerous prescriptions, the fool decides that she is afraid of me, that i am some kind of, (and i QUOTE!!) "EVIL RINGLEADER". she begins to photograph me in the nude with my friends, and adding other very inappropiate captions. since the dumbass refuses to address problems between people face to face, and since she does not posess either my parents telephone number or address, she decides to send all of this information to my roommate Stacey's parents, who could give two shits if im dancing around topless. Also brought about by this ignorant little lamb is a slew of slander having to do with some kind of adultery i am apparently committing.
god i don't even want to talk about it anymore. all you need to know is she is schizofrenic. and living in my house.
bla bla bla
i dont even know with whom or where i will be living in the fall. im very stressed out.
naptime |
|
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| you know its bad when you've been sleeping on a bare mattress for almost a week... |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | just realized i havent turned it on yet... | ] |
got
to
get
shit
done.
i feel like jessie on the saved by the bell episode referenced by alyce earlier this evening... the one where she takes the caffeine pills, and zack walks in and she wakes up and goes "THERES NEVER TIME!"
super stressed. got to be really productive all week again, probably not hanging out taht much, if i can help it. |
|
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| ohhh snap |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|07:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the gentle stirring of a box fan in the doorway | ] |
wrote that ten page research paper. ta dow, as molester mat would say. i hope "ta dow" doesnt turn out like myspace and "crucial". that should never become a part of my day to day life.
my philosophy teacher always says "work-a-day" and other random outdated hybrid adjectives. weirds me out, he's like jimmy neutron, boy genius' dad ova hea.
rooommmates suck. dont let em call the cops on you. "um do you know where there's a phone book?'
"no."
" GOD. *chrucial sigh*"
stupid cunts. then the next thing i know the police walk in the room. too bad sam's gone MAD. perhaps its the house. maybe its ME, evil ringleader.
gotta do a paintin, make some prints, write a paper. damnit. gotta register for another art history class. shit.
shouldnt be journalin', how selfish of me. |
|
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| flake. |
[Mar. 29th, 2005|07:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | singing the same verse from a modest mouse song over and ove | ] |
sometimes i feel like such a flake. othertymes i feel like i do too much for other people.
i guess i can chalk it all up to being superbusy and supermotivated at the same time... leads to isolating myself for long stretches of tyme.
found myself liking more and more just to be alone... just packing up a bag and going out for the day, studio, walk, work, studio, breakfast.
funny, im up at quarter to eight am. and its not cuz i got up early, i havent slept today. painted my little ass off, and wrote my point sentence outline. heres what to do today, in chronological order:
eat pancakes at the village with walt (hopefully)
go home and shower, change, print off shit (shit entails transcript, intro, and point sentence outline)
get painting to school
submit paintings for honors advanced painting in the fishbowlllllll
get edition all printed up, signed
nap
meet margaret in the library
bed
tomorrow:
model briiight and early
buy wood, groceries with mom
build 6' by 3.5' panel (do i dare?)
i want kendall to sublet my room this summer. i need to get in touch with that boy... i feel like a flake again.
stupid exboyfriends who dont have the balls to own up to their own shit-talking should go suck an egg. and give me my painting back.
who wants to go to BREAKFAST with me?? |
|
|
| guess i'm doin' fyne. |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|02:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | beck - sea change | ] |
i'm a little pissed right now. i spent all afternoon and night writing my investigative process paper, and i finished write at midnight (duedate) only to find out that blackboard website was down monday and tuesday. i couldnt get to the insite website to send my teacher the paper without the blackboard website, so i had to email it as an attachment. i hope it wasnt too late. but anyawys i'm pissed that it took me so long and i almost didn't get it in on time, and then i had to send it in an email after she explicitly asked us not to do so. whatever.
i hate goddamned electronic resources.
good news: its spring break and i now have the whole week, until Friday to putz around. i need to clean and paint and catch up with some people i've been just missing.
i've got some new ideas, now i need to execute them. i'm thinking figures emerging from a field of color... something where the features kind of fade into the background hue, but there are very acute details on the most frontal parts of the face. i want to communicate a dramatic contrast between foreground and background, so that some parts of the portrait seem very still, and the rest is hazy, almost as though it is moving around the figure. i was thinking about walking by people you have seen around, but don't really know (part of your karass, if you will) and you realize that you recognize them, but don't really know them well enough to need or want to stop and say something. certain aspects and minute details of their person are striking, the rest kind of fades into a blur of whatever is going on around them... maybe it wont be just one color around the figure for it to fade into... we'll see....
i got a lot of catching up to do.
that's so true. |
|
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| checkitout |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|01:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | productive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sea changes, beck | ] |
http://www.livejournal.com/users/kromatic/21726.html#cutid1
goddamn. talk about inspiring. im finally out of that cursed slump and back at it full force. its like writer's block, i guess. all it takes is a little new pesrspective on things, an epiphany, if you will.
but there she goes. isn't she lovely?
anyone want to model for me? i am kinda obsessed with modeling flesh now, i want to just paint bodies covered with skin... i prefer darker complexioned folks, with dark hair, but i guess i will take what i can get at this point.
liquin is a really nice flowing medium, thins it to just the right consistency and i can go out and get coffee and (depending on the hue im working with) my coat will be dry enough to glaze over. i've also heard nice things about galkyd, and galkyd mixed with cold wax. so we shall see about that... what will happen will happen, i suppose.
i want to become the next emerging figure painter from VCU SCHOOL OF THE ARTS. hahahah
james miller, eat your heart out.
currently pursuing a single studio apartment for when i return from boston in august or so... looking into the milk bottle apartments (at 4 am, alicia),, they have some sweet deals, including a pool room, security card access, and a work out junks. and the space would be ideal, IDEAL for my paintings. its even right by the studio. |
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| i thought i updated this thing two days ago... |
[Mar. 3rd, 2005|10:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nick drake | ] |
i wrote this pretty cohesive journal entry on tuesday about new things. im not sure where it went, though. off somewhere in cyberspace.
i hate philosophy. i hate english 200. gen eds can suck my ass.
new things... lets see... i got a pretty new bike, but its actually as old as i am. i started a new painting and i have a pretty damn good ground for a second one. got some tight ideas for that, im thinking *gasp* abstraction. yep, i'm going to be the hippest painter on the hall. and i always said abstractions were for the birds. heh heh.
i made $100 in four hours the other day, that was tight, as well. and im getting some really good pot soon, hopefully.
bma this summer, house looks pretty pretty.
gonna shave my head.
and i have way too much shit to do this weekend: naked party tomorrow night
i need to pull some shit out of my ass to show my teacher what i have been working on. and work all weekend. and i have an english paper due tuesday and a philosophy test due wednesday. thanks to my indesiciveness, i am supposed to have 12 sources for my topic, and since i changed my topic last minute, i have none. zero. and a paper due tuesday. sheeeet.
so looks like the only social thing im doing this weekend is the naked party. hopefully, if i can stick to my guns.
friday night should be cool, too bad i am working. there's first fridays, then slow education thing at alley katz and then after party to the after party at my house. we're gonna get wasted, dance until we're naked. actually im going to greet guests in the nude, i think i will be the only one starting out naked...
so i haven't heard from my highschool sweetheart in a while, i am starting to think he died of a drug overdose or soemthing. knock on wood. hopefully he is just in amsterdam or hates me finally.
i'm hungry. |
|
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| snow in my gine |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|11:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | iron and wine, our endless numbered days | ] |
so here i am, sitting in front of my computer screen, chatting idly with buddies, when, lo and behold! this child ims me, says he got my handle from my livejournal. i was like, damn thats still functioning... i didnt even remember the login name and password. anyways, i went back to it via his link, and decided it was pretty interesting. i recently picked up my old journal that i haven't written in in a year either, so i decided it must be a sign.
i think i'll give it one more shot.
much has happened in that short year. i am a painting and printmaking major, for one. remember the little boys with too much hair and blue reeboks? well the blue reeboks ate it. and so did the little boy.
so here i am, a painter, a drunk, a brazilian, a scenester, and now a yankee later.
tied up my loose ends, stopped being easy, made the necessary apologies.
i want to take everything slowly, figure out where i am with all of this before i dive into another self-destructive situation.
enough of that "no regrets" bullshit. i prefer deliberation. |
|
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| penile malfunctions |
[Jan. 28th, 2004|06:04 pm] |
i feel empty inside, less like a person actually participating in life and more like one simply watching it. thanks to chris norris' insane little voyeuristic "introductory project".
tomorrow i'll be filled up. :oD |
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| who knew? |
[Dec. 14th, 2003|06:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hear you me | ] |
fuckin crazy.
made a trip up to new york and visited the mistresses' wing of voltaire's castle. the tinsel in the courtyard made stars on the ground. baba o'reilley by the who. the white bird. change. the world is such a beautiful place after having consumed halucinogens. |
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| i want to do good things for you |
[Dec. 9th, 2003|11:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crash never gets old | ] |
this weekend was muchly deserved after the turmoil of last week. i think perhaps i was smiling the entire weekend, even in my sleep.
i so want to gush. never before has anyone been so good to me. and we ate so well. full tummies, euphoria, total satisfaction. he compliments every aspect of my person and makes me want to be the best that i can be.
there's not words to express the feelings i have sometimes. i can only gaze and smile, sharing the moment exactly as it was meant to be felt. |
|
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| oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the earth in place. |
[Dec. 3rd, 2003|02:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bright eyes, none other! | ] |
so its 2:45 am and i have no nuggets. i didnt get shit done for my final portfolio, but its ok, since i'm going to wake up at 7:45 to go finish it.
love me.
so my parents have finally crossed that thin line between nearly bearable and malicious wounding. anyone down for murder? no, seriously...
too many bad things keep happening in a row, and i have had the same bad feeling since saturday. it feels like everything up to now has been leading up to some horrible culminating unknown. its like the feeling you get the whole time you're watching donnie darko, only not fun.
hug me.
this week has been shit. too much stress for any one week. how come two weeks ago i was blissfully bouncing through my days, not a care in the world? thank god for sweet little men with too much hair and blue reeboks.
shoot me. |
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